The holidays are awesome. They’re also complicated.
Sure, we’ve got gatherings, traditions, joy, connection, magic. Check. These are great.
Oh, but there’s also logistics, tension, expectations, exhaustion. Those boxes, unfortunately, also get checked.
If you know what I’m talking about, no sweat, you’re definitely not alone.
It’s definitely that time of year.
Hanukkah started on Sunday. Christmas is next week. We’re right in the thick of it (like you needed any reminder).
Which means you might be feeling parts of that whole list from above.
I get it. And maybe it helps to hear from someone who’s been thinking about this stuff for a while.
How I think about holidays
I grew up with access to a lot of different celebrations. My mom and grandfather are Jewish. We observed some Jewish holidays. Hanukkah, Rosh Hashanah, Passover.
I loved these, but did I have to look up the blessings every year? Yup and still kind of do.
But the holiday mattered in our family. My dad was not Jewish, so we also celebrated Christmas.
My husband isn’t Jewish. And we light the Menorah and say the blessings in my family.
We celebrate Christmas too. Heck, we celebrate a lot of holidays at our house. We’ve even done a Flag Day celebration (anyone? anyone?).
Maybe that’s why holidays matter to me. I like learning about them. I like doing them respectfully. I like what they have to offer to families and communities.
But I also know, from my work as a therapist, in coaching, at camp, and just in my own house that holidays can bring up a lot for families.
Here’s what I see happening in a lot of homes this time of year.
What comes up for people
The holidays stack a lot of extra tasks and events on families.
Usually, there’s at least one family member (is it you?) who carries the full load or most of the load for creating the magic. The thinking, planning, purchasing, decorating, cleaning, cooking.
Often, these are leading up to some kind of surprise, which sometimes means doing the prep work alone.
That gets tense. Money gets tense. Schedules get overstretched. Expectations loom.
And anything that’s already a point of friction in the family becomes a bigger point of friction because there are so many “shoulds”.
We should always do this tradition from my childhood. We should always do that cute thing I saw online.
There’s a YPO saying I love: Stop shoulding all over yourself. And don’t should all over anyone else.
The weight of our expectations and those of our loved ones can be pretty stressful. Kids definitely feel this holiday-related tension too.
Especially when those kids get a little bit older or just have high awareness. They clearly know when things are strained, or when adults are just pretending that everything is perfect.
The holidays sometimes involve a lot of performance. Everyone pretending they love their role. Kids pretending they love the magic. Parents pretending they love making the magic.
That pretending doesn’t always add up to actual joy or gratitude, even in really happy families.
Real gratitude and real joy are a goal. When we get those moments, they’re gold.
But when we don’t? No worries. You’re still showing up for the people you love. That counts for everything.
Camp does this, too
We spend 6.5 weeks every summer working with the same dynamics.
Gatherings, traditions, joy, connection, magic.
And also: logistics, tension, expectations, exhaustion.
Camp has shoulds, too. We just try to turn them into “we’d like to” whenever we can.
Things don’t always go 100% perfectly.
That’s part of it at camp. It could be part of it at the holidays too.
We can give each other grace when the traditions don’t go as planned.
It’s okay if a kid isn’t mooning over a gift.
The magic doesn’t have to feel all the way magical.
Life ain’t a Hallmark movie. Exhaustion is allowed. Rest is encouraged.
And the holidays aren’t an end-of-year exam. We don’t have to do everything perfectly.
Notice what actually matters. Let go of the rest.
You’re reading a camp newsletter in the middle of the holidays. Which means almost certainly, you care deeply about your kids and your family.
You’re already doing enough.
Light in the darkness
Hanukkah is about being a light in the darkness. Moving from darkness to light. Hope. Resilience.
We run camp with the same ideals. A place of light. Traditions. Hope. Shared values. Safety.
We’re thinking about you this week. However your holidays look, we hope there’s some light in there.
Happy Hanukkah. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays.
From your friends up here on Eagle Pond.
Best,
Sylvia