Being a parent is hard. There’s so much out there we didn’t grow up having to worry anbout about, specifically around kids, social dynamics, and anxiety - all happening via phone.
I have an 18-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter. My son is autistic, so his phone experience has been different. But my daughter? I can see what’s coming. And I know I don’t have a perfect answer.
And this isn’t coming from any place like being anti-phone. I love it that my kids use phones, and I don’t love it that they use phones. Every family is different and has phone rules that fit their family.
Personally, I love knowing where they are, and I love having a communication channel with them. I don’t love how often they nag me but I like how often I can nag them! I really don’t love the way the phone brings their social worries into every moment of our lives.
This is specifically what bothers me…
The back channel
Any environment where kids can text each other without adults knowing what’s been said creates a back channel. And that back channel depends on every single kid staying fair and regulated in every single moment.
That’s an impossible standard.
It doesn’t take much, just one kid feeling a bit anxious to send a mean text or a sorta-funny-but-definitely-mean Snap. And once that’s done? Well, then it paves the way for others to pile on. It’s like permission.
Or you probably know how this one plays out. Six friends. Four have a sleepover. The other two find out later they were discussed in the group chat. Maybe they weren’t. Maybe it was innocent. But the mere possibility creates chronic anxiety.
Even when nothing bad is happening, knowing there IS a back channel means that fear is always there.
And it might even be tougher than this. Kids don’t even need the back channel to be active anymore. Snapchat locations. Life360. They can see where everyone is, who’s together, and make up whatever story they want if they aren’t there.
You can just see that digital movement and construct your own narrative.
So what does camp have to do with all of this? Well, for six+ weeks, none of that exists. And what fills that space is pretty great.
Why camp works differently
One of the reasons camp builds confidence is that kids go a long period of time with just the reality of regular life. Not the reality plus the fear that somebody unregulated is undercutting them behind their back.
At camp, if a kid says something mean, there’s usually a counselor right there who heard it. They can deal with it in the moment. The social stuff happens out loud where adults can actually see it and help.
At camp, the rules are simple. Be kind. Tell the truth. Show up for your friends. And when someone messes up, which they will, staff help them figure it out.
But the reality is that what kids are doing isn’t any of the above. It’s really just running around all day, making ridiculous songs, staying up talking about absolutely nothing close to important, teaching each other how to dive off the dock, and building the kind of friendships that last way longer than six weeks.
The group chat doesn’t have any of that. Often kids are just out there navigating it solo.
Kids DO need to learn to exist in the electronic environment. That’s reality for 46 weeks of the year.
But at camp, we get a break.
What six weeks without it does
At camp, there’s no back channel. There’s no shadow ledger being built in the background. Do kids gossip a little ? Of course - but we notice it quickly and redirect it.
Kids practice being themselves without the constant worry that someone might be constructing a narrative about them behind their back. They’re too busy actually living. Swimming. Going wild in Color War. Teaching each other card games. Making s’mores. Having real conversations face-to-face.
They build their self-esteem on actual reality. Real interactions. Real friendships. Real feedback from people who are right there in front of them.
It’s hard to rebuild your confidence when that can be undercut at any moment. Camp gives them six weeks where it can’t be.
I’m not saying this solves the phone problem for the other 46 weeks. I’m just glad we all get this break together. And I’m glad that what fills that space is connection, adventure, and the kind of friendships that don’t need a screen.
I don’t have all the answers on phones. I’m figuring this out just like you (maybe) are.
But I do know camp takes the pressure off for a summer and replaces it with something real.
That matters.
Best, Sylvia
PS - As adults we could also all use some time at camp. K&E is hosting family reunions, weddings, anything where people gather.
We'd love to talk about hosting your group here.
Check out Eagle Pond Weddings and just picture you and the family up here at camp.